Give me distortion, or I die. This JCM 800 in a box ranges from classic rock to metal with artwork as gritty as John Knox himself. Also, his eyes light up when you play, which should seal the deal for you.
Azor AP-308 Overdrive
Azor AP-310 Fuzz
Caline Blue Ocean CP-19
Caline CP-10 “Hot Mushroom” Compressor